I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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