I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
