found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
