I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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