Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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