Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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