my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
