There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
