I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
