You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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