i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
