Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
