is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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