Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
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I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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