so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
