this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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