she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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