You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
