I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
