After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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