remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
