Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
