I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
