Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
