Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
