i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize