Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize