Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
