super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
