that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
