No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
