I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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