so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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