I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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