whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
