At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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