Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
