I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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