I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
