if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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