I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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