jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
