I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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