i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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