If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
