I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
