need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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