people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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