so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
