u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
