Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
