you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
