I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
