Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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