There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
