If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
