I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
