An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
