I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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