i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
