i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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