i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
