You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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