How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found puke in my bra..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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