i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
