it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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