remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
