So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
