dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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