she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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