Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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