My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
