He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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