Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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