If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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