im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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