remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
