When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
